How to Celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day at Church

By Austin80s

[Updated for 2012]
Yo ho holy ones, Talk Like A Pirate Day (TLAPD) is September 19. Is your church ready? I suspect not, so let Cap’n Mark show you how to celebrate in 10 easy steps that even you landlubbers can follow.

  1. Say an Aaarrr Father and Ahoy Mary.
  2. Read Paul’s Letter to the Caribbeans.
  3. When in doubt, say “Ahoy there, me sacred hearties!”
  4. Stay far, far away from Pontius Pirate.
  5. “And with yer spirit” is the proper response.
  6. Study St. Peter’s Guide to Walking on Water: Surviving the Plank Walk in Three Easy Steps.
  7. Suffer no fools who offer pieces of the “true skull & crossbones”…
  8. Read the Good Book-aneer.
  9. Ponderrrr the lives of Saint Godric of Finchale and St. Olaf, the pirate saints (in their younger days).
  10. Keep this straight: To err is human, to aaarrr is pirate.
  11. Cannon-ize yer enemies.
  12. Remember always that ours is an awesome grog.

Anything to add to this treasure map? Scrawl a comment below.

Tip o’the feathered buccaneer hat to lasses Elizabeth Alves, Susan Reyburn, Mark Stoffel, Laura Olivier and Phil Weslow for helping with this post.


2010 Update: Blimey, somehow I missed this great Pirate’s Act of Contrition from Ironic Catholic. You can see all of her other Catholic Talk Like a Pirate Day posts.

Aye, me God, I am heart’ly sorry fur havin’ offended ye,
and I detest me sins–
b’cos I fear losin’ me Heaven,
an’ don’t want to be marooned in Hell–
but most of all they offend ye, me God,
Ye who are a right fine God,
and deservin’ of all the doubloons I could give ye and then more.
Aye, so I smartly resolve,
wit’ the help of your grace,
to heave to my sins,
to keelhaul my soul,
an’ to make right me scurvy life.
Amen.
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